One of the helpful concepts about working with other people as well as teaching our children is to put the emphasis on what they are doing right and not on what they are doing wrong. I realized when my daughter was younger that I am not very good at it. She had a whiney spell after we got home each afternoon. When I thought about it. I realized that if she was good and went off to play on her own, I ignored her in the business of fixing supper, household jobs, and getting ready for tomorrow. If she whined I paid attention to her. I was teaching her to whine.

I was reminded of that concept when I began volunteering with Miracles in Motion, a horse riding program for people with disabilities. I am constantly amazed at the creative ways the instructors find to compliment the people rather than criticize them. Many have physical disabilities but many have mental disabilities as well. Finding something they are doing better today takes some thought. “I like the way you are holding the reins off the saddle.” “I can hear you clearly tell your horse to “Walk on” are a couple that I have heard recently.

One day I was criticizing my child who is adopted and she responded to me by reminding me, “You have to be nice to me because I cost you a lot of money!”  Well she was right, but there are so many better reasons to use praise over criticism. Being told what we are doing wrong doesn’t always give us any clues as to what we should do that would be better. Also the negative feelings generated in response does not always motivate us to improve. Positive encouragement gives us feelings of being included, appreciated, and a desire to learn.