A column written by Parish Nurse, Mary Horn, RN

Holidays intensify our feelings of loss. Some losses involve the death of people we love and who shared holidays with us in the past. Other times our losses are from the passage of time and may not be as significant but represent a loss. We miss the excitement of young children looking forward to Santa Claus and our house feels empty and lonely. My daughter and I used to go on a post Christmas shopping trip and the purchases made were my gift to her. Now she spends her extra days in Iowa visiting in-laws.

Many people offer suggestions for coping with holidays. I like some from a video called 10 Things You Can Do Now When You're in Grief produced by David Kessler, a noted speaker and writer on grief. He suggests doing things that help you to honor and remember your loved one—write a love letter to them, talk about your loss with someone who will just listen, think of something that you wanted to do before they died and do it. Recognize that you can't focus on grief all the time. Do something nice for yourself, something that may be distracting if even for a short while. For me that would be attending a play. Taking a walk every day usually perks people's spirits. Focus on things that you have been able to do—even just getting out of bed, or fixing a nutritious meal, or doing a cleaning project. Look outside yourself and look ahead. Watch the news and see what is going on in the rest of the world. Recognize something that is ongoing that did not go away with your loss. Keep some old traditions but start some new ones. And probably most importantly–do something for someone else. This may not be the best holiday you can remember but you may be able to find some bright spots that help bring healing.